he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize