But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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