We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
