all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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