new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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