rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize