I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
