why do cheetos always look like penises
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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