the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
