my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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