I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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