so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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