I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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