Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So many bounce houses so little time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
