Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
