It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize