Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
