Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
