My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
