she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
