Only a mothe r could love this liver
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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