i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
