when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
