My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
