I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
