Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
