Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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