So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
