You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize