Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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