You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
