I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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