Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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