Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
