theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
