she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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