So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
