My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize