Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
