That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
