I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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