did you get engaged???
time to smoke my breakfast
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
