Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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