Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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