she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
