What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
