If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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