Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
