in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
