Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
