Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
