It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
