my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
