I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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