We got so high we made milksteak
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
