Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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