Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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