my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
