I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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