I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
