We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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