i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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