He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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