the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
