every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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