it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
