Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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