Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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