Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize