you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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