TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize