random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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