Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
