He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
