I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
