it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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