FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
