I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
