The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
