Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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