Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize