I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
