You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
