He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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