Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
