in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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