Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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