is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
