Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
