The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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